Connections

     Okay, So this is for my shithead brother that makes me feel guilty for not posting.  I know I still owe Hannah blog, but maybe in a month??? 

     About a month ago, we had visitors.  We expected Amber, Darien and the little seed (in her belly).  We got much more, the whole family!  Jess unexpectedly (at the last minute) got to come too.  I have to say that I was ecstatic, and even now thinking about it makes me excited.  While they were here we saw them a few times.  I did not want to get too close as I knew that they would leave.  I have never been that way with anything, never afraid of hurting, until now.... 

   Over the years my brother and I have become more and more close.  As a child I was so much older than him, I kind of took the "mother" role even though we had excellent parents.  I looked after him and even Thane provided him with direction (he was almost ten when we were married).  He was always my little brother, and seemed "alot" younger than me.  The age gap doesn't seem so big now, and we have the same personalities and same ideas on life.  It is unfortunate that this happened while he has been living in another country!! :)  Maybe it happened because of that other country?  Sometimes, I long to talk to him or Amber, and calling them isn't so easy (8 hour time difference).  I have to believe that our connection isn't as far away as the miles say it is.  I know that he is always there and when I saw him this last time, I felt like he had been here all along. 

   Back to the story, as with my connection with Jess, while they were here I was really afraid to get too close to Darien.  I knew that I would build that connection with him that I already had with the other two and then it would be even harder to see them leave.  I guess this was selfish, and it didn't work!!!  Well, maybe an hour?  He melted our hearts, and I expect the new one will too. 

   While they were here we just sat around the house and talked, no expensive dinners, no entertainment, just us.  It was perfect.  We had discussions on life, and the just the little things that really mattered.  Jess and Amber had many to visit, and our time was precious.  Little Dairen fit right in with the kids, and they catered to him, allowing him to do things that his parents did not want him to do, (paybacks are a bitch Jess, LOL)  I rebuilt much needed connection, and then had to say goodbye again.   I do not regret getting close to Darien now. The more people in my life the better, and he was so easy to love. 

   Jesse's visit helped me in many ways to remember that I have great siblings.  Nicki, Jess and I still have a strong connection.  I know that in a minute's notice if I needed either one they would be there.  The miles are not going to change that. What else could I want?  (right now my kids are all downstairs playing video games and not figthing!!!  Ironic?  I am hopeful that someday they can be typing about the connections with each other :)  )

    I love you so much, Jess and Nicki.  I am so grateful for our connections.  I am sad for the miles, but know how important it is for each of us to live out our dreams and have happiness.  Thanks for the surprise visit!