Dear God,

  God, despite all of my recent posts of my amazing trip to another country, I feel closer to you than ever.  in my life I have always felt your presence, but up until the last few years, and more importantly the last few months I questioned many things.  There are no questions now.  I often wondered if it is just my imagination that you are with me and if I am talking to my conscience.  If it is me telling myself that things are going to be okay, as that is the way I WANT IT TO BE.   I have said many times in my life and to many people, especially lately, "why am I the lucky one"?  I have not had very many good responses to that question, or ones that have sufficed me.  I guess I want to have an answer, as then I know that my challenges make me equal to those who seem to in my mind have more difficult ones.  I still come back to the reality that my challenges are not even close!  I then find myself down on my knees, or praying with tears in my car, please, please do not hurt or take the ones I love away from me! Take me!
    I was challenged again this weekend, and found myself closer to you than I thought I could be.  I am still struggling with the emotions, that everyone in this house thinks that I should be over!  I am upset at myself for not "just letting it go".  I find myself trying to find ways to get through it, but I feel as if my luck is about ready to run out. That is a torturing feeling.  I am begging you to please stay with me and only give me what you think I can handle.
    God, I am so grateful to have the wonderful people that saved Ethan's life this weekend.  I truly believe that you were with Bruce in those seconds when it mattered most.  In my eyes, he is just like you, and he was willing to sacrifice his own life to save two kids that were not even his own.  This is a character that very few people have, he is right up at the same level as you.  He now lays in the hospital , okay, but in pain, still worrying about those boys and the one young man whose life was lost. He still is more concerned about them than himself.   Please provide him with strength to get better and understand the large risk he took, not only for my son (and others) but me.
   God please provide the strength to the family that lost the son in this accident.  Please allow them to understand that even though their son never made his earthly mission, he provided my family with a life lesson.  A mission that we never may not have learned without him, despite never meeting him. A mission more important at least to me than a earthly mission could have ever been.   My kids took away that "thought", that they could have lost their brother, thus making them realize that time on earth is precious! A lesson I can not teach them, despite repeatedly trying!  Hopefully, this will be with them forever!  Please watch over this family, especially this mommy who doesn't have her son, while I still can hug mine!  Please let her know that I am so grateful to her and she is in my heart.
    God please support these men, women, and  Morgan (the boy with Ethan who helped him get out of the truck) who were there at the scene of the accident to ensure that everyone received the best of care.  Who still remain in Ethan's life, and were in his life as role models prior to this incident.  These people are exceptional people whom I look up to!  Obviously you have given them your presence as they are remarkable men, and seem to always be there at the right time.
    God, thank you for all of the people in my life over the past few days who have connected with me one way or another to let me know that they were there.  I know that many people say that true friends will be there when you need them, I have many!
    Maybe there is a reason you have made it difficult to get over these feelings, maybe this should be a challenge for me and I will take it, because I realize you gave my son a second chance!  I will make this a lesson not to take one single moment for granted, as much as I can. I will be the best I can be in my personal and professional life, I promise!  I will say my prayers and not question your presence anymore.
   Thank you for being there in those seconds for my little boy!  Thank you for Bruce, the guardrail, the angle of the boat, the seat belt, the order of the trucks down the canyon, the position of the boys in the truck, Morgan, the helpers, and most importantly of everything your presence.  I am so grateful to still have my little boy!

I can not even look at these pictures anymore.  This has literally made me physically sick this weekend. but I feel as if one day EJ will want to see these. Right now he thinks that this is just a small accident and I am grateful that he does not remember much of this.  He walked away fro this with a sore neck and a SMALL bruise, due to Bruce!  He was more worried about losing his shoes and the nurses taking off his pants than anything else. Hopefully he sees the big picture as he gets older.  I would not normally post something so terrible, am only doing it for his sake.