So it is one day before Thanksgiving, and mom always taught me to think of something I am grateful for. It is really hard this year. I do not have to explain why, it is very evident. Many challenges in my life, and I guess I kind of asked for it. Throughout the last couple of years I have posted how lucky I am and I knew that I would have challenges come my way. I understand that challenges just make you a stronger person. I have heard that God only will give you what he thinks that you can handle, so with that said, he must know that I can handle the challenges he has sent my way. Sometimes I feel as if he overestimates my power!
I have thought about what I would choose to be grateful for this year and it took me a while. The small things were easy, deer, the F-16's, prayer calls, (you have to understand) of course my healthy, but bratty kids, and wonderful husband! These are just a given. I try always to chose something that helps me to look a little harder into my existence, especially during my struggles. I am grateful this year for my TIME...
The years and TIME I DID have with dad.
The TIME I STILL have with my kids, (before I kill them) and husband.
The TIME I STILL have with mom, Nicki, Jess, Nessa, and everyone else!
The TIME I STILL have to find myself.
This is still really hard to type, as I would give almost anything for two more minutes of TIME just to talk to daddy! I must remember that I had so many GOOD TIMES with him the last forty two years, doesn't make it any easier to lose him but the memories help a little. Still hurts really bad. I have questioned God had heaven more in the last six weeks than I ever have in my whole entire life! All I can do is believe, have faith (as mom says) and appreciate and be grateful for the TIME, I have left here. How PRECIOUS the TIME is!
Happy Thanksgiving to ALL.... Love You!!!
2 comments:
God DOES give us, or allow us, to have more than we can handle at times. It is through these times we realize how much we NEED each other and NEED God. Pain is meant to be felt and dealt with. Science has taught us that for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. In addition, to have positive energy you must have negative, as energy is not created nor lost. Hang in there, you have TIME in all of us! I miss him too, more than anything else I have every felt . . .
Of course you miss your Dad! And...I am SO proud of my kids. You all handled his death, his funeral, and the aftermath with grace and dignity. I have not been with your dad for 22 years but I was with him for 25 and I know how very much he loved you. I know all the times Dad and I had with you when you were little. I saw the light in his eyes when you were born, when you walked, when you 'crashed', and even when you screwed up! How many times did he try to keep those 'screwups' from me because he couldn't stand that I would be upset with you? You were lucky to have such a man as a father. Focus on all the time you
DID have with him and on the time he was ALIVE; don't focus on his death...that is only a very small piece of his life. Let it hurt; you'll heal faster that way. The pain will NEVER go away but it will become bearable. I love you, my babies.
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