Life... How do you know what will come of it. After a late night soccer game and another early morning one (that I could not get up for), I just met Thane to drop EJ off for a wrestling tournament. He is going to take him and I am going to work. Here I sit. I hate that I have to work and can not see him wrestle, and I hate that I feel that way, and I am tired! That makes things much worse (mom says this all of the time) Thane and I do this together and there are many times that I can not go, due to another conflict (usually work). After the terrible shooting yesterday, I should be grateful that I have a good job and a wonderful family, including a husband that loves me, and loves to be involved with the kids. I should be thankful that he is with EJ, but I want it all today! I want to be there, and not here.
Thane and I had to get angry at Jerra last night for not checking in with us when she was with her friends. I hated getting mad at her, and in the end she screamed at me and went to sleep crying. Does she know that this hurts me more than her? Does she know that we are trying to make her a responsible adult? Does she know that losing a cell phone for a few days is minimal, and she will never remember it? Does she know that my heart still hurts?
Again here I sit, and at this time of year I really am grateful for everything. I guess if I could have the ultimate Christmas present it would be to make time stop, to have more time to be where I want, to have more time to exercise, go on vacation, and just enjoy what is around me. I know that we will continue to have conflicts, but believe it or not resolving the conflicts within my family would not be what I wish for, those seem to make us stronger. Until then, enjoying the good times when I have them is my new years resolution, time is not going to stop (unless the world ends on the 21st??). I need to try to make the best of the time I have, easy to say hard to do.
I LOVE YOU JERRA, good luck EJ!!! Momma is in your hearts today.
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