This Moment... (Katy Perry)

Can you tell me, who called the race?
Can anyone stay in one place?
And when you get to the finish line
Will you wish for more time?
I say one day
One day you will
But maybe one day you will find
That you just can't push rewind

All we have is this moment
Tomorrow's unspoken
Yesterday is history
So why don't you be here with me?
All we have is this moment
To put our love into motion
Yesterday is history
So why don't you be here with me?
Be here with me now

Do you ever think that, we're just chasing our tails?
Like life is one big fast treadmill
And we pop what is prescribed
If it gets us first prize
But you know who I, who I think will win
Are the ones that let love in
Are the ones that take the time


All we have is this moment
Tomorrow's unspoken
Yesterday is history
So why don't you be here with me?
All we have is this moment!


I have listened to this song over and over, I am constantly on the go, and many times am trying to "expect and organize" the next moment.  I feel as if I am so wrong in my fast paced life.  I am missing things, and get scared I will regret it, or say something that will not be forgotten, or that I can not take away.  The last few months I have questioned this over and over, why am I here?  The kids will move on, and I will be alone.  What my reason is right now does not make sense.  I am not as happy as I usually am.  I miss my daddy, worry about those getting older, and realize my time is closer.  Will I understand my reason when I leave?  Did dad? Did he realize it within himself? I know why he was here but, did he? 
   Sat in church with EJ the other day, (needed to he was passing his first sacrament :) ) and the speaker was talking about the Holy Ghost.  He says that he was not sure that what he was hearing was the Holy Ghost, but he said it didn't matter if it was the Holy Ghost or his brain. Both were positive thoughts!  Profound! I hurt to think that it is not dad telling me he is okay, because I miss him so much.  I think I feel him with me, but am I imagining that because I want it so bad?  I have found relief in listening to the short twelve messages I have on my phone from dad, just hearing him makes me better, is the only thing that I know is for sure. Unfortunately No one can help me feel better, I have to get through this myself. 
   I tell myself to try and enjoy those moments as yesterday is history, BUT wish so bad I could jump back one month.  Just to see him smile, and tease, and talk to me.  Sick of assuming that I am feeling him, want to see him!!!