Daddy..... I miss you.

James Lealand Bidlack

May 3, 1946 ~ September 25, 2014 

Due to a failing refrigerator that Heaven simply couldn’t fix, James “Jim” Lealand Bidlack was called to the house of our Lord to repair the problem. His lifelong friend, Walter Estep, was waiting for him with a tool kit in hand. Jim’s parents; sister, Patricia; and sister-in-law, Cindy, were waiting close by in hopes to play a game of cards and share stories after the service call.

Jim was born on May 3, 1946 to Manley and Edna Bidlack. He was raised in Brigham City. Jim married Lynn Bierley and they later divorced. Jim later married his best friend and love of his life, Vanessa “Baby” Estep Thomson. Throughout his 68 years of life, he became a husband, father, grandfather, and friend. 

After almost a full career with General Electric, Jim became an owner of H & A Sales, an appliance store specializing in honesty and hard work. To many people, H & A Sales and grandpa’s house meant a lot more than appliances and a place of business; it was a holiday resort, a daycare, a farm, a school, a home, and above all, an escape from life’s chaos. Anyone who visited could discover hidden treats throughout the store, like ice cream, snickers, cookies, licorice, and various other stashed away in numerous refrigerators.

Jim was a man who could fix or build anything with his bare hands. His most precious projects were his six children, Jody, Cheri, Nicki, Sara, Tera, and Jess. However, with any great project, you need a foreman and partner, which he found in his wife Vanessa. Together this team built many things, literally and figuratively, but all because of the love of their family. 

While his memory burns bright in all of us, Jim is survived by his wife, Vanessa; children; grandchildren; sister, Peggy Goodwin; brother-in-law, Lucky Estep; sister-in-law, Bobbie Garret; mother-in-law, Joan Estep; and more family and friends than one could imagine.

It’s only when you are fully grown, when you have stepped away from his care and home, that you can measure and appreciate his love. He is a man, father, and friend that we can only aspire to be.                                  

A celebration of life will be held Wednesday, October 1, 2014, from 6 to 8 p.m. at Comfort Suites, 2250 S. 1200 W. Ogden. In support of his wishes, Jim will be cremated. In lieu of flowers, the family is accepting donations at America First Credit Union, under the account name of James Bidlack Memorial Fund.

What do I say???  Who do I call now, when I can't stand things anymore.  Who will tell me that there is do much soap in my washer, and I need to rinse my dishes off so I do not plug up the filter in the bottom of the dishwasher?  Who is going to hate Christmas with me? 

     I DO NOT HAVE ANY REGRETS!  I have said that many times in the last few weeks, since dad's death.  BUT I have a hurt inside me that I have never felt before, and no matter what I do I can not get rid of it.  I am MAD at the world, but can not pinpoint anything in particularly to blame it on.  I do not want anyone else to say I am sorry, or "what can I do" unless they can bring him back.  The only place I want to be, is not in my home in bed as usual, it is in Heaven (I know that is where he is).  No one tells me what I want to hear, and I find myself going through my contact list looking for someone to call who can help me find some peace, the list ends before I dial. I do not find peace in food, even chocolate.  Find myself, wanting to go to the shop, wanting to go to grandma's, connect with someone that can bring me closer to him.  Never being close enough enough.   Why?  Why this hard?  Because he was one of few men that made me who I am.

He was one the one that took me in his GE truck when I was sick and mom could not take off work.  He would say "be quiet while I take this call (of course it was the CB and not a cell phone).  

He was the one when he fixed the McDonald's ice cream machine that would let me have the biggest ice cream I wanted and would say, "don't tell your mom, you are not suppose to eat anything with milk in it, is makes you cough". 

He was the one that helped Thane to put tires on my car the day of my wedding to get us going on a SAFE honeymoon!

He was the one that would let me pick what I wanted in his shop for my house and then when I would pick it, he would say "we'll catch up with you later", knowing good and well that he would never expect anything. 

He was the one that took the door off the wall when I slammed it ONE MORE TIME, after he told me not too!

He was the one that loved HIS mother and sister more than anyone, teaching me that love for a mother  and sibling is more important than anything!  He supported them both until the minute they died.

He was the one that allowed me to lay on the floor under the toilet to scratch the hair on his legs in the morning while he sat on the toilet doing "his" duty, never bothered at ALL!

He was the one that hated it when I could not breathe as a little girl.  Little did he know I hated it worse when he could not breathe, and though I would die with him when he took his last one!

He knew before anyone else, that I was having sex, but I did not tell him, he found out from his buddies.  He knew everyone and everything.  Now I know that it was just because he loved me and would have done anything to protect me. 

He is the one that would bring home watering troughs and make them into swimming pools for use to spend hours in during the summer. 

He was the one who taught me work ethic, and taught me to LOVE work, to love whatever you did.  He worked just hours before his last breath. 

He was the one that saddled the horse, started the old snowmobile, and changed the bike tires, for me, (and the tires for the grand kids), without getting too mad.  He stood back and enjoyed every minute.  Laughing when we held on to the Shetland pony while riding underneath his belly as he never tightened the saddle enough. 

He was the one that taught me how to water ski after bringing the ski rope around (with Uncle Gil) 60 times, telling me to "keep my arms straight and my knees bent", and despite being frustrated, kept encouraging me to keep trying. 

He was the one at the bottom of the stairs, that was there when I walked down in my wedding dress, and then said "don't look at me, or we will both cry", at the end of the aisle handing me off to my new husband, I looked at him and he was already crying.  :(

He was the one I called after my very first accident because I was so scared of what mom would say!  Realizing both of them were just glad I was okay!  

He was there when each of my babies were born, kissing me first, saying he was glad I WAS OKAY.  (only now do I understand that!)

He was the only one in our family that knew how to use a inhaler just like me :).

He was the one I would call when I could not make it to Fremont to pick up a kid, and did it for me just recently.  

He was the only one that could fix my curling iron, and did it at least four or five times when I was a teenager!

He was the only one who would make me Cream of Wheat in the morning with just the right amount of sugar in his UNDERWEAR!

He was the one that dragged me up the stairs by my foot, and when I told him that I would call CPS on him he ripped the phone out of the wall!

He was the one that drove up (with mom) in a little red 1988 Honda Prelude with a SUNROOF!!! for my 16th birthday, I thought I would die! That was just after he tried and tried to teach me how to drive a stick!

He was the one that would bring fridge after fridge box home to let us play in, despite us leaving them in the front yard after him asking us to take care of them.  We loved them!

He was the one that loved MY kids as much as he loved me.  Loved their games, their personalities, there quirks, there activities, and there faults.  

He was the one that chased the teenage kids down the road after they broke our hand carved jack-o-lanterns.  He made those teenage boys come into the house and apologize to his little girls, because he knew how bad we were hurt that the pumpkins were ruined.  

He is the one the picked up my cat off the road when she was killed by a car, and then he took me to school late so I could mourn her death!

Most IMPORTANT he taught me what happiness was, I walk around in my house now, telling him to look at what I have and thanking him for it.  I am happy, but not happy, hurting that he is not here.  Trying hard to reassure myself that he is proud of who he made me. What would I say if I could see him one more time? What would I ask him?  Not sure?  I know that he was truly happy, I know that he achieved what he wanted, and there were very few things that stopped him from doing this.  He found true happiness from many things in his life.  There are many people in this life that will NEVER achieve the happiness daddy found.  He was truly happy with Vanessa.  He was happy without much.  He succeeded in doing what I strive to do with my life in 68 short years.  To make myself and my kids happy, money, material things, and all the other things do not matter.  In the end you only have them. 

I would ask him, what I could do to continue his legacy?

I would ask him what I need to do to help him finish what he did not complete while he was here?

I would ask him what he thought I should do better, because he was the expert, at most things!

Did he feel as if he was suffering in the last years, or would he take more time at that pace?

Was he suffering without telling us so?

I wish I could get rid of the hurt, may say it will never go away.  I miss you daddy, keep me strong, stay with us in this difficult time.  We miss you terribly!

Love Tootz  :)