The Good Dinosaur.

This week has been eventful, but good. I am not a fan of Christmas and often times say it is the simple times that make me the most happy. Christmas is too complicated and too much work. I will blog about our Christmas in another post. This weekend I took the kids to the new Disney/Pixar movie The Good Dinosaur. It is still fun to take the kids to the movie, they now sit still and are entertained without me having to help with much. I really enjoyed this movie, about a little dinosaur who loses his father. Of course the tears started coming, upon the death of the daddy dinosaur. Throughout the movie I relived my 2015. There times that I missed daddy so much it hurt and then there were times when it seemed easier. Towards the end of the movie, the little dinosaur seemed happy. Not sure that I could jump around as happy as the little one. I have felt lots of happiness in different areas since dads death, although sometimes I felt guilty for feeling happiness in his absence. The reason why I am writing this, as the most profound minutes of the movie revealed a lesson that I needed to add to my 2016 resolutions. The small Dino, was running with the fireflies, just like he had done with his daddy before his death. He felt his daddy presence with him (like often I do), and he said that it was time for his tears to turn to happiness. Now you might ask, why should you feel this way? Happiness from loss? In that exact moment, I felt dad with me saying he did not want me to cry for him anymore. He wanted to share in my happiness without sadness. He wanted me to show the world what I have to offer, remembering the good times. He would want me to try hard to look at the positive and not falter with his demise. I would like to think that I do not hang my head in mourning my father, but I do. I know good and well that he would be angry at me if he knew that it was often so hard to move forward. He was very selfless in his life, why would he want this in his death? He would always look at me and be happy when I was happy, why would that change when he was gone? Seems much easier to say then to do. As I sit and type this, I am good at telling myself what I need to do, but I am going to have to work hard to live it. I am not saying that I will ever forget 2015, or my daddy. BUT he wants me to move on! He would never want me to live in the shadow of him, either alive or dead. He does not want me to be sad for him. He wants me to show him what I got, what he taught me! I find that each day I love dad more. I seem to associate everything I can to him, to try and bring him closer. Maybe it's because I can't seem to get close enough and would give almost anything to talk to him for just a minute. BUT I have accepted his death. Oh, that is so hard to say! I have accepted that he has gone, despite never thinking that I would be able to. I KNOW that this is what he has wanted. I know that in his last breath he loved me. I promised him those last minutes that I would do everything to try and keep us all together. I have become closer to my siblings with his passing, and basque in my brothers laughter as it sounds just like him. I find comfort with them around me and love spending time with them. This is all he, mom and Vanessa hoped for. I am so hopeful that I will see daddy again, I know how much he loved me! He now understands how much I love him (I hope). I miss you so much dad, but promise to try hard to prove to you who I am, and prove to me what you taught me! JUST BE ME, JUST BE HAPPY!