As most of you know I use this as my diary. It seems the easiest way to keep all in track to save for when the kids are my age. So most of it is good times, although I feel it important to know my not so good times. Don't get me wrong, I always (or most of the time), love my life but there are times when I become very overwhelmed and feel as if I am just keeping my head above water, maybe even just my eyes!
Lately the kids keep my too busy. The guilt in my head seems to overpower my thoughts and I frequently ask myself if they are too involved? BUT, in order to keep them on a level where they might be able to try-out for things in high school, you have to keep them dedicated. Most of the time this means, committing to many times throughout the week. I can't do for one what I don't' do for the other, so who ends up taking the brunt of the kids, Thane and I. Thanks god I have a wonderful husband who never complains when I ask him for help. I sure need it in more ways then just carpooling! I just become so overwhelmed that I get excited to just be home with no where to go!
This morning was so difficult, no one wanted to get up. They informed me that it was short day so I could just let them stay home! NOPE SORRY, get up, I screamed. Even though the extracurricular activities are more fun, school is most important and Thane and I will not allow their grades to slip because of the extra activities. That is when the terrible guilt slipped in ( it comes and goes MANY times throughout the day) I should have put them to bed earlier, I should have made them get their homework done before the soccer game, practice and gymnastics last night. I should be home to make sure everything runs just right. I should love them more and be more understanding. I should be ..... the list goes on and on. How can I do it all, and not feel guilty? The answer is I can't although I am well aware of that I never quite believe it. I continue to try and try to achieve something that I can't only to find that it is impossible thus the drowning feeling.
I have to conitnue to remind myself that soccer ends in October and this is just a short term thing,. It's Friday and tomorrow they can sleep in. Try and conitnue to think positive and get involved in my work , as to not worry about them. I know that it will all work out and I can only do what I can do. Just keep swimming!!!!
2 comments:
I don't think as a mother we can ever do it "just right". I think the trick is just not to beat ourselves up over it. I too wish I were a better wife and mother. For whatever it's worth, I think you are amazing. Period. Love you!
Baby girl....I read an article once that really hit home with me. You don't have to be a 'perfect mom' (which is what your guilt tells you that you should be). You only have to be 'good enough.' So....if the homework is not 'perfect', is it 'good enough?' If soccer 'stuff' is not perfect, is it good enough? If the time you have to give the kids is not perfect, is it 'good enough?' I watch you....everything you do is far above 'good enough'; you have no room for guilt and you just have to keep telling the kids that. Yes they were tired; are you ever tired in the morning and still have to get up to go to work? Of course you are! You are teaching them that even when they are tired, even when they they don't want to do something, life still calls and they HAVE to get up and get going! Of course, once in a while it's OK to give in and have a 'down' day, but usually we have to do many things each day that we don't want to do. You are just starting them on life early; which 'good enough' mothers teach their children. You're NOT perfect baby girl; but you are plenty 'good enough!' Be proud of yourself instead of beating yourself up. From your 'perfect' mother (HA HA). Sometimes when you kids were little, I wasn't even 'good enough' but you seemed to turn out just fine! Love ya.
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